In the Kitchen

 

Yesterday Aidan, Kimball, and I went outside to play. 

Kimball's had a bit of a cough and runny nose, and Aidan's (and me) been a little stir crazy, so I thought the fresh air would be good for all of us. Plus, I'd been so busy doing about a million loads of laundry that I hadn't given much attention to my kids all day. 

We played chase, kicked around a soccer ball and threw it way up high into the air until it almost touched the trees, and flew their toy airplane to each other. When we were all sniffing from the cold air and the sun started going down, we grabbed the soccer ball and toy airplane and clomped back up the stairs to warm up inside. 

I had a few things to finish up with the crock pot meal I had put in that morning, so I headed to the kitchen while Aidan and Kimball played in the living room. I could hear their cute voices in the background as I walked back and forth between the fridge, sink, and counters. When I finished, I didn't hear them fighting and they seemed content, so I decided to take a mini break for myself. 

I quietly slid down onto the kitchen floor and leaned back against the wall between the fridge and the kitchen cabinets. As I sat there, I took a much-needed long, deep breath and let it out slowly. It had been a long day of juggling and disciplining and focusing on the different tasks at hand, so it felt nice to just sit and stare at the kitchen table across from me for a few minutes. 

Pretty soon I heard Aidan call out, "Mom! Moooooom! Where are you? Mooom!"

I let him call a few times before answering, "I'm over here, bud."

His little voice, "Where?"

"In the kitchen."

His little feet padded over to where I was and once he saw me, a huge smile spread across his face. 

"What're you doin'?"

"Just sitting here."

"Want to play with me?"

As Aidan walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and started playing with the letter magnets on the fridge, I heard Kimball make his way over to us, too. He had a book in one hand, clumsily waddled over to me, and plopped himself in my lap so I could read to him. 

My little break was over, but as I held Kimball in my lap and listened to Aidan recite the ABC's to himself next to me, I couldn't help but snuggle close to both of them and feel an immense amount of gratitude for my sweet children here. I felt my heart get a little bigger, a little softer, and a little more full of love. 

It's hard and wonderful being their mom, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not a thing in the world. 

They are my forever and always will be. 

Busy, Busy, Busy

Lately I feel like a chicken with its head cut off...

Doctor's appointments

Reading scriptures

Dishes

More laundry than normal (a little bit of potty training regression, but it's okay)

Playing with the kids/reading with the kids/disciplining the kids/running around with the kids/I think you get the picture :)

Looking for a new place to live (our place is too small for another baby) and all the details that go with that

Losing my credit card and switching all my auto pay bills over (plus all the headache that came along with losing it, ugh)

Making dinner

Meal planning

Trying to get a shower in

Getting sick

Haircuts

Paying bills and budgeting

Grocery shopping and finally returning unused clothes to the mall

Figuring out fun things to do with my family

Stuff regarding my calling (I'm in Young Women's!)

Praying, praying, praying

...and a million other things.

It's really nothing too different from my normal, every day life. And if I'm being realistic, my life is just going to get busier with each new transition our family goes through. But the hard thing has been how utterly chaotic and haphazard I feel. 

I told Jayze last night as we were laying in bed that I was talking to Heavenly Father earlier and telling him how stressed I feel. There are so many things I want to organize or even just start but it's like all of these elements in my life are on a platter and I'm just picking and choosing from it every day. By the end of the day I feel accomplished by what I did get done, but then I look at all of the other things that needed to get done that didn't and then I feel like I accomplished nothing. I constantly feel like I'm running behind.

There are half-written to-do lists all over our apartment as well as a to-do list on my phone. We have a gigantic paper calendar on our wall I write on, but I still forget things because 1. pregnancy brain and 2. I don't incorporate my phone calendar enough. (I either write it on the calendar or put it in my phone, but the same event is usually not on both). We also have a big white board right next to our calendar, but have I updated it? Nope. I think the meal planning chart is a week behind, too. 

Obviously it's been a struggle and something has to change, but it's nice to just write it all out even though I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this. But this is a safe space, right?

So, if someone is out there reading this and feeling the same way - you're not alone! And I'm going to keep telling myself that too...I'm not alone. I think it's good for us (me and my imaginary reader, because I'm not alone, remember?) to not be super organized, super mom, super wife, super homemaker, super put together, and super feel like we're winning at life all the time. Then we would never grow and learn.

So I'm going to keep figuring this craziness out, keep loving my kids and cute husband, and keep growing and learning from my failures. Don't give up.  

...Annnnnd probably invest in a daily planner like my very patient husband suggested. 

Feels Like Fall

Yesterday I took Aidan and Kimball outside to play in the grass. The air smelled crisp and cool, and the leaves on the trees are just starting to turn color. Pine needles and sticks littered the grass, as well as brown, beat-up pine cones. The trees are still keeping the pretty ones to themselves. :) 

We barely needed light jackets, but I put them on the boys anyway. We had fun kicking the soccer ball, climbing up and down the stairs (K is addicted to those things right now), and peering up at the sky every time another plane flew by. 

Yesterday definitely felt like fall, and I loved it. 

Hitting the bottom of his shoes to activate the light-up function.

Fall is my favorite season ever, and I'm beginning to feel the change - not just outdoors, but inside of myself, too. I have all this pent-up energy just waiting to be spent on baking, crafting, drinking hot chocolate and apple cider, picking pumpkins, and snuggling up with a soft, cozy blanket. I'm ready for the chunky sweaters, wrap-around scarves, beanies, and ankle boots (I need to get me a pair). I'm ready to step on dry, crunchy leaves and soak in all the orange, red, and yellow colors.

And believe it or not, I'm excited for the cooler weather (can I get another amen for fall clothes and yes, yes, YES to more walks outside).

The sun is still warm and glowing even in a more pale sky, the trees show us their last, glorious hurrah before hunkering down for the winter, and the air smells like honey and spices and traditions and excitement.

Summer was wonderful, but I'm all about this new season, and I'm definitely welcoming it with open arms.

Consider the lilies

During my scripture study today, these verses stuck out to me:

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.

(3 Nephi 13:28&30)

Picture source here

Lilies are my favorite flower (water lilies especially), so these verses mean that much more to me. But even better is the fact that I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know who I am. They love me SO MUCH. They want me to have joy. Pure, lasting, eternal joy that only comes through them. 

Life has not been easy lately. I've been struggling through a personal trial that seems to let up and then I suddenly find myself hunkered down again waiting for the next attack. However, those words of Christ filled my heart with peace and comfort, reminding me that I'm not alone and to stick with it.

To endure well and have faith. 

So that's what I plan to do because Christ hasn't let me down yet, why should He now? I know if I reach out to Him in faith, He will be there and He will provide - just like He promises He will. 

(PS: Love this message from President Eyring: The Reward of Enduring Well)

Haircut

Five reasons why I love giving Aidan haircuts (and Kimball now too!):

1. He is contained but happy. Mainly because he is watching YouTube videos.
2. Doing so actually forces me to sweep my tiny kitchen floor.
3. It's therapeutic. Have I ever mentioned that I once wanted to go to hair school? 
4. It provides practice for Jayze's haircuts.
5. I feel productive because I usually give him a bath afterwards.

I've definitely come a long way from cutting Aidan's hair shorter and shorter until it looked like a buzz cut...

July 2016

And he's come a long way in not screaming the whole time. :)

Motherhood

"Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve 'the mother of all living' - and they did so before she ever bore a child. 

Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood.

Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."

~ Sheri L. Dew ~

I'm grateful for my constantly growing testimony of motherhood. I'm grateful for my husband and for my children. And I'm grateful that being a mom is my very identity and for the knowledge that I was a mother even before I ever bore children. 

Happy Mother's Day (yesterday) to all women. 

Engagement Anniversary

Yesterday was mine and Jayze's engagement anniversary. Five years ago Jayze got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. There was a soft breeze in the spring air and the sun was just about to set. I sat looking down at him from the porch swing and blurted out, "Really?!"

Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him onto the swing with me and kissed my now-fiance (after saying a real "Yes" that time). He slipped the diamond ring on my finger - one that he picked out himself - and then we walked hand in hand up the hill to the temple. 

May 11, 2012 - Rexburg, ID Temple
(check out that dimple...:))

We snuggled, took pictures, and sat happy and content on the pearl-white bench. We watched the sun go down and then walked back down the hill to a small pond within the campus garden. 

Jayze had brought pennies and we each took turns telling each other what we wished for our future. 

When the stars finally peeked out in the black sky, we headed back towards Jayze's apartment and eventually watched a movie with his roommates. As we walked, we called our parents and texted our siblings to tell them the good news. 

I'm grateful for the past five years. I was going through my journal the other day, and I can still remember the excitement I felt to be getting married to my wonderful, handsome, loving Jayze. 

It hasn't been easy, not even close, but it's definitely been worth it.

I can honestly say I love him even more now. 

"In God's plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.

Those who save their marriages understand that this pursuit takes time, patience, and, above all, the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ...

...Great marriages are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime...if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow."

"In Praise of Those Who Save," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

So Jayze, let's keep building our pyramid. 

I love you. 

At Beauty and the Beast, 2017

New Record

Dinner = my archnemesis.

I don't know what it is, but I hate making dinner. It stresses me out almost every single day, and there have been too many days to count when we just went out to eat because neither of us had the motivation to make dinner.

It was different when I was single and in college because I didn't really worry about making a real dinner. I would usually eat a sandwich with a can of sliced peaches. I also remember making a lot of pasta, ramen, burritos, and pancakes. Not the healthiest, but it got me through.

Fast forward a couple of years and it's mine and Jayze's first dinner together in our first apartment as newlyweds. I had excitedly concocted an enchilada casserole in, what I thought, was a huge portion. I carefully set it down on the blue tablecloth we had received from our wedding (that was placed on the floor since we didn't have a table or couches) and stood back, proud of my efforts. This was a rarity when I was single, so I was eager to dig in.

I sat back, satisfied, after my plateful and then, shocked, watched Jayze eat the rest.

"I was planning for us to eat that all week!" I said, dumbfounded.

Jayze looked at me, looked at the empty casserole dish, then sheepishly said, "Oh, sorry..."

That woke me up to the realization of:

1. How much my new husband could eat (haha)
2. I was going to have to do this every single night. (!) 

However, my vehemence towards making dinner isn't just derived from that one experience (not ALL your fault, hon). :) It also stems from a busy schedule of going to college full-time and working part-time with a very limited budget. 

Let's just say it wasn't super motivating coming home with the expectation I would have to make more than the routine pb&j sandwiches and canned peaches. 

Thus began a roller coaster of me (or Jayze - he has specifically said many times I don't have to make dinner every night) making delicious delicacies on some days and us going out for burgers and fries other days (or eating mounds of Marshmallow Mateys when I was pregnant). Oh, and Taco Bell - I can't say enough about their excellent bean burritos.

I had my good spurts. Right before we had Aidan, I found an extensive freezer meal blog. I fixed up a batch of meals, stored them in the freezer, and we were good to go. That, along with people bringing us dinner for the first week after he was born, saved our budget and our sanity. I did the same thing right before Kimball was born, too. 

However, for the past 4.5 years we've been married it's been a struggle. It's weird because I do like cooking and baking, but I hate making dinner. 

Well, since we moved to Wichita, it's been the same roller coaster. I'll meal plan, get all the ingredients, and make dinners. But it's inevitable that when 4:00 rolls around, I lose motivation and we end up going out to eat. 

Ouch to our wallet, ouch to our waistlines, and ouch to my confidence as a homemaker.

Aidan even asks for Taco Bell every time we pass it now. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing...

Anyway, the point of this whole post is we're on a NEW RECORD. It has been exactly two weeks and four days since we have eaten out. That's right...almost three whole weeks! 

Guys, this is a big, B-I-G deal. 

My secret has been...dun, dun, dun...my handy-dandy slow cooker. And one cheat meal (think boxed mac 'n cheese or beef hot dogs).

Mornings are when I'm most productive and when the kids are the happiest, so I'll just make a quick dinner in the morning and it's done. The cheat meal is for when I either missed the deadline for putting the slow cooker meal in or we've run out of dinner ideas and/or creative juices or energy with our leftover ingredients.

We've tried to eat super healthy, but sometimes we just have to give somewhere, right? I am a perfectionist at heart and it's either feel guilty for eating an unhealthy meal (cheat meal - the slow cooker ones are actually healthy) or feel guilty for eating out for the second or third time in a row.

Needless to say, this is saving me us so much stress and money. I also found I'm much more motivated to make a more time-consuming dinner some nights because I'm not burned out anymore. *High five*

I am killing this dinner thing, and it feels gooooood. 

Now if I can just apply this to getting up early...:)

Happy Under Every Circumstance

I haven't been able to get this quote out of my thoughts lately:

"Difficult as circumstances may be, they do not relieve us of accountability for our actions or our inactions. Nephi was right. God gives no commandments to the children of men save He prepares a way for them to obey. However difficult our circumstances, we can repent." 

(Henry B. Eyring)

 I came across it in my email almost a month ago, and I'm still thinking about it. 

I just really love how we're able to repent, change, and become better because of our Savior Jesus Christ. He is the one who made it possible for all to return unto Him if we choose.

I know I need repentance every single day, and I'm so grateful for it. 

For the chance to become more like my Savior. 

It reminded me of this quote, too:

"Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year!

My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives."

(Russell M. Nelson)

Also, conference was amazing. Many of my prayers were answered, particularly one that had been weighing heavily on my mind. I'm excited to go back and reread and re-listen to the words of our modern-day prophets and apostles. 

What my boys and I did while Jayze was at the Priesthood session. :) 

"A Psalm of Life"

Tell me not, in mournful numbers, 

Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers, 

And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art, to dust returnest, 

Wast not spoken of the soul.

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!

Let the dead Past bury its dead!

Act, —act in the living Present!

Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Let us, then, be up and doing,

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing

Learn to labor and to wait.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "A Psalm of Life"

Bye Bye, Blow Dryer

For the past few weeks, my blow dryer had been acting funny. Whenever I used it, I had to make sure the cord was in a specific spot or else the dryer would turn off. I think there was a short in it.

So it didn't surprise me when, a few days ago, I plugged it into the outlet, flipped the switch, and nothing happened. I wiggled the cord around. I pushed the reset button a few times. I kept flipping the power switch off and on. But...nothing. No go.

The thing had lasted for years. I used it in high school. My sister three years older than me used it in high school. I think my sister five years older than me might have used it, too. I knew it was going to be a goner soon, but I had planned to use it until it actually died, died.

I finally stopped trying to turn it on because I was afraid it might start throwing sparks or something crazy like that at me. I unplugged it, shrugged my shoulders, and thought, "Well, I guess it's finally bit the dust," and put it on the toilet to deal with it later.

I've been trying to be more proactive lately about throwing things away, so when I found time to take out the trash, I was proud of myself for remembering to pluck the blow dryer from the top of the toilet and place it into the white bag along with all the other trash before taking the bag out to the dumpster.

As I swung the garbage bag high over my head and flung it overboard, I heard the satisfying "thunk" of junk being gone forever from my house, hallelujah! (At least for a few minutes, ha - it's like the short-felt satisfactory feeling of finishing the last load of laundry, right?).

As I walked back across the parking lot to my apartment, I also felt a twinge of pride for taking care of my deceased blow dryer so quickly and a twinge of excitement that I now had an excuse to buy a new one.

Later, when my hair was finally dry and I had some time to style it, I went into the same bathroom (easy, we only have one), plugged my straightener into the same outlet, and held down its power button for a few seconds to turn it on.

And...nothing.

No red light.

No numbers signaling how hot the straightener was.

No warmth emanating from the two, parallel plates.

I stared at my straightener for a few seconds. Then I unplugged and plugged in the straightener again and again, alternating between the only two available bathroom outlets. In desperation, I wiggled the cord up and down and back and forth even though I knew there wasn't a short in the cord.

And...still nothing.

I knew four things: 1. My straightener was only a year old. 2. I had taken really good care of it. 3. I hadn't had any issues with it whatsoever. And 4. I went into my bedroom to test out the straightener on a different outlet - it worked. So I knew it wasn't my straightener that was the problem.

It was the stupid outlet.

Just as that fact dawned on me, I thought back to the moment earlier when I had smugly tossed that white garbage bag away and for a second the image of me trying to climb into that huge, smelly dumpster and save my not-so-lifeless blow dryer popped into my head.

I saw myself sifting through all of the dirty diapers, the food gone bad, the banana and orange peels, and reaching and stretching my hand through now-unrecognizable things covered with dirt, slime and probably infested with fleas, maggots, disease, and other horrible things in order to finally grab hold of the prized, black-gone-gray-through-the-years blow dryer and holding it above my head triumphantly. (With, I'm sure, a few of that indescribable mess plopping onto my head.)

Then I shrugged my shoulders again and thought, "Well, at least it wasn't my straightener."

I guess I'll be air-drying my hair for the next few weeks.

A Good Weekend

This weekend was a good one. 

On Friday, Jayze and I celebrated St. Patrick's Day by eating green eggs and ham for dinner. We also finally watched Moana that night (thanks to our friends who let us borrow it). We loved it, of course. 

Had to throw in some orange in honor of leprechauns, too. :)

We went to the zoo on Saturday (When we told Aidan where we were going, he jumped around in excitement, yelling, "Zoooo! Zooo! Zoooo!). 

On Sunday we attended church. I got Kimball to fall asleep in the car seat during Sunday School, and Aidan could have stayed in nursery all day long. 

But what was most significant about this weekend was the love I felt from my Heavenly Father. There are a few things I've been struggling with for the past couple of weeks, and some days have been better than others. The few days previous to this weekend was another few days that tested my strength and my outlook, and this weekend I prayed so hard to feel the Spirit. And guess what? Heavenly Father answered my heartfelt pleas and my heartfelt efforts to feel and be close to Him. 

I know that my Heavenly Father is real. I know that Jesus Christ atoned for not only my sins, but also for my pains and my sorrows. I know that Jesus Christ still lives. Both Him and Heavenly Father love me so much and know me by name. 

Today as I've been pondering the answers I received this weekend, my favorite childhood Primary song came to mind:

Whenever I hear the song of a bird

Or look at the blue, blue sky,

Whenever I feel the rain on my face

Or the wind as it rushes by,

Whenever I touch a velvet rose

Or walk by our lilac tree,

I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world

Heav'nly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see

The color of butterfly wings.

He gave me my ears that I might hear

The magical sound of things.

He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:

I thank him rev'rently

For all his creations, of which I'm a part.

Yes, I know Heav'nly Father loves me.

(song credit here)

I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful to be a member of His church. I am grateful I know I am a daughter of God. And I am grateful to know who I am, where I am going, and why I am here.

PS: Happy First Day of Spring! 

From the zoo on Saturday.

Stiff Neck

For the past WEEK (or at least, it seems like it - maybe more like almost a week), I've had a stiff neck. I'd wake up in the morning and could barely move my head back and forth. In fact, everywhere I turned my head, my neck and the top of my shoulders hurt. 

It was not fun. 

Finally, yesterday I felt semi-normal. I didn't have to ice/heat my neck to make it feel better, and I was able to get out with the kids and hang out with a friend and her kids at the mall. Even lifting the stroller in and out of the van didn't strain my neck. What a relief.

Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), this past week wasn't the best. Since my neck and shoulders hurt so much and I wasn't sleeping very well, I haven't worked out for a whole week either. Not working out does things to me mentally and physically, and I'm really hoping to get back in the swing of things. 

Yesterday was a good start back in to the daily routine, and today has been even better. Probably because I actually wrote a to-do list today. Did you know that to-do lists are so powerful? They help me get soooo much more done than I would have otherwise. 

So I'm glad to say so long to that lame stiff neck, and I hope it doesn't come back. 

After church on Sunday. Aidan, "More pictures!"

Are You Making Fun of Me?

The other day I wasn't feeling very well. Luckily it was on a Saturday, so Jayze was able to help out throughout the day. In the evening, when I had finally ventured out of the warm, comfy (but confining) bed and was sitting on the couch holding Kimball on my lap, Jayze and I discussed dinner options. After a few ideas were tossed here and there, we decided on Navajo Tacos.

As Jayze walked to the kitchen to start making them he asked me, "Do you remember when we made fry bread from biscuits?"

I cocked my head, trying realllllllly hard to recall. Did we ever do that in Rexburg? I said out loud, "Mmmmm, nope, I actually don't remember that. It doesn't sound familiar at all. But let's not do that tonight though, because that sounds gross."

He shrugged, looked a little confused, and said, "Really, you don't remember that at all? Okay, no worries. I'll do it the old fashioned way."

While Jayze took care of making dinner, I watched the kids. He got everything on the table and Aidan and Jayze started eating while I fed Kimball a bottle. Once Kimball was done, I set him down on the floor to play with a toy and then I started eating. It was quiet for a little bit, and then a thought occurred to me.

I poked my fork into a piece of fry bread topped with tomatoes, beans, spinach, etc, and asked Jayze, "Remember when we made fry bread from biscuits?"

Silence.

Then, "Are you making fun of me?"

Surprised, I looked up to see Jayze staring at me, and I asked, "What?"

Jayze said again, "Are you making fun of me?"

I said, super confused, "Nooooo...I was just wondering...remember when you made fry bread out of the canned biscuits at the hotel? That was really good!"

He said, "I just barely asked you that!"

I tried to remember him asking me that during our previous dinner discussion. Nothing. Nada.

I said, "You did?"

Exasperated, he said, "When we made the decision to make Navajo Tacos, I asked you if you remembered when we made fry bread from biscuits."

............................................

It dawned on me.

"Oh."

Whoops.

Me again, "Well, I thought you were talking about homemade biscuits...not the canned kind. And I couldn't remember doing that at all in Rexburg. I seriously didn't remember! I'm not making fun of you! I'm sorry...."

We both sat there for a second and then we both busted up laughing at the same time.

I think I'm losing my mind.

Yesterday

After a series of not-so-good days, yesterday was a perfect day (according to the life of Sarah Flake).

I got to lay in bed for a few precious minutes before taking on the day in my mommy-wife-personal responsibilities. It was glorious.

After not taking a shower for way too many days, I fit in two, separate showers.

Kimball went four hours in-between feedings and took long, regular naps. 

It was the first time bathing Kimball in the kitchen sink without the little bathtub, and it was a success!

The kids and I got in some good playing time, especially Aidan and me. "Mom, play?"

I rocked my exercise, even though I was not feeling it. Some days are just like that. 

I studied my scriptures and even had time to read a regular book, too.

Both kids went down for a nap at the same time, albeit in separate rooms.  

I took both of the kids outside. We took out the trash, paid rent, checked the mail, then had a fun few minutes playing on the grass.  

I had the energy to whip up two beautiful, homemade pizzas. Having an oven has really made baking fun again. 

Aidan scarfed down the beautiful, veggie-loaded pizza. Winner dinner.

Even though Jayze had a spontaneous work dinner, the evening was still fun and relaxing with just me and the kids. 

Aidan let me sing two verses of our bedtime song while rocking him. Afterwards, we laughed at Kimball eating his toes and kicking his legs in the bouncer.  

Both of the kids went to bed in the same room at the same time. (YES!)

I got some veg time in before Jayze came home. Then he helped me with the dishes while we talked about our day. Then we snuggled in bed while still talking about our day. 

It was the most wonderful evening. 

Good days like yesterday make the not-so-good days worth it. I'm grateful for both so I can notice the difference. 

Happy November!

New Goals

Lately, my thoughts have been scattered, and it has been hard to put my feelings into words. I think that writer's block is a real thing, and I'm trying to take Stephen King's advice of, "You must not come lightly to a blank page" (On Writing).

It seems that the past few weeks - probably ever since we moved to Kansas - I've had up and down days. One day I'll be super motivated and get so many things done. I'll happily check things off my to-do list and feel proud of what I accomplished that day. Then the next day I'm in a slump. The crushing, overwhelming realization of all I still need to do hits me. The motivation I had the previous day leaves, and I end up feeling discouraged about my seemingly poor efforts in my roles as a mother, homemaker, and wife. It has been quite the roller coaster, to say the least.

"When you're in a Slump, 

you're not in for much fun. 

Un-slumping yourself is not easily done."

(Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You'll Go!)

Many different thoughts and ideas have crossed my mind of what I can do to do better and be better - as a person in society, in church, and in my home. Yet, it seems there's not enough time in the day, and my priorities tend to get off course. It has been a struggle finding the precarious balance between giving my all to all of my different roles. 

As I've pondered this and more, one thought that keeps coming back is to just keep working on myself and everything will work out. Don't waste my time comparing myself to others and utilize my time for improving me. So, naturally, the question popped up, "What can I do to improve me when I already have so many things to do that others need?" 

For example, moving to-do's like car registration, unpacking boxes, and organizing in such a small space, and so on. Daily to-do's like feeding my kids, changing diapers, playing with my kids, dishes, dinner, laundry, and cleaning the house. All of these "to-do's" affect me and make me feel less stressed when they're done, but I'm left wondering when I can do simple things for me, like reading my scriptures, taking a shower, painting my nails (anyone who knows me knows I love painting my nails), blogging, exercising, sometimes even brushing my teeth (gross, I know).

Sometimes a mom/wife life is hard. It's stretching yourself thin, making sure everyone else is okay first and then checking in with you. So, since I've been feeling a little stretched thin lately and want to find balance between it all, I've decided to set new goals to help me un-slump myself and be motivated at least 80% of the time, instead of 50%. 

My list is small and simple, but do-able. These are what I'm going to work on this week, and next week I'll check in with how I did.

• Get up at six every morning and exercise (a goal both my husband and I have set).
• Pray more. Even if I can only do it in my heart at certain times. Try to kneel and say my prayers out loud as much as possible.
• Write in my journal every evening.
• Get outside with the kids more, especially Aidan. 
• Spend less time on my phone.
• Smile more. Be happy. Don't take things too seriously. Some things just aren't worth getting mad over.
• Look for the good.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

~Thomas A. Edison~ 

Pictures from yesterday while waiting for Jayze to get off work.

Married Student Retreat

For a Mother's Day gift, Jayze bought us tickets for the Married Student Retreat hosted by BYU-Idaho. We had been wanting to go since our first year of marriage, and I'm glad we FINALLY got to go! Thanks, hon!

Our friends from our old ward were sweet enough to watch Aidan overnight. It was a huge milestone for us (mostly me) leaving Aidan overnight, but we knew he safe and happy in their home.

We left campus around 5:00 p.m. and traveled to Badger Creek (an extension of campus) with nine other couples. Jayze and I had never been there before, and I was curious to see what it was like. It was about 45 minutes outside of Rexburg. When we arrived, I was surprised by how clean it was. Here we were out in the wilderness, where I'm sure hundreds of people have stayed, and everything was well-kept.

Each couple bunked in their own individual cabin. Ours was called "Chief Joseph."

Jayze and I got settled, and then we hiked back to the main cabin for devotional and dinner. Before devotional, each couple introduced themselves. As couple after couple introduced themselves, Jayze and I thought we were going to be the "senior" couples. Most couples had been married a year or less. Then the last couple introduced said they had been married five years. Despite the fact that most couples had been married a shorter time than us, we got along great with pretty much all of them. It was a great group to hang out with for two days. 

That night Jayze and I explored Badger Creek. I had been craving to go hiking for awhile, so it was nice to be out in nature. The fresh scent of wet dirt, different kinds of trees, and the night air was just what I needed. We ended up on the "Scenic Outlook" and saw some horses. I think this made Jayze's night. There were all kinds of different horses chomping away at the grass, taking no notice of two people watching them. The sky and horses were a beautiful and peaceful sight.

In heaven

Night sky

Our cabin was full of bunk beds. We still slept by each other (crowded, but warm). I didn't get the best sleep, but it was wayyyy better than sleeping in a tent. "Chief Joseph" even had a heater (which practically saved my life that night - I get cold way too easily). 

Breakfast was bright and early at 7:30 the next morning. After breakfast came the married couples activities. We went through three of them - all of which were surprising, uplifting, and encouraging.

The first activity was slack lining. It was definitely a new experience for us. Each couple went separately. When it was Jayze's and my turn, we each climbed on separate sides of the slack line, leaned forward, grasped hands dance-style, and moved horizontally across trying not to lose balance. As we communicated (eh, sound familiar?), we got further and further across until we eventually lost balance. I was pretty proud of how far we were able to get. 

The next activity was the "mine field," a.k.a. rocks acting as mines. 

There were three scenarios: 1) trying to guide my husband across the field by yelling across an 8-foot stretch of nature; 2) Jayze guided me across, but he got to stand in front and across from me; and 3) I blindfolded and guided Jayze a second time, but got to touch and stand by him the entire way across.

It was an adventure for sure. Obviously the first one = unsuccessful. The last two = successful.

Our last activity was the hardest and also took the longest. I could not have done it without my belayer and Jayze. 

Observe:

We had to climb this 50-ft high ladder of death. 

Thankfully we didn't die.

 

We did it! 

After that, we cleaned our cabin, ate some lunch, and drove away. We learned a lot from our little weekend getaway and hope to implement our learning in our every day life. It was a great Mother's Day gift.

And can I just say that it was wonderful coming home to Aidan.