Lincoln Scott Flake was born on Tuesday, January 23, 2018, at 9:09 a.m. He was 7 lbs. 11 oz. and 19 inches long. He came out with lots of dark brown hair and gray-blue eyes. I loved hearing his little cry and snuggling close to him.
I didn't have to be induced this time (just like Kimball) - he came on his own! It was also the first time I gave birth without an epidural (which I loved and didn't love), and the first time I had a female doctor (which I absolutely loved).
Just like with Aidan and Kimball, I had been having Braxton Hicks for weeks (since I hit about 31 weeks). As the weeks went on, it seemed like every night Jayze and I would put our boys down for bed and then tromp on downstairs where I would bounce on my yoga ball and we would watch the show Monk. The end of the pregnancy is always the hardest for me - emotionally and physically - so it was nice to have something to look forward to each night. And to be honest, we were trying to get labor going, haha.
As my due date (Sunday, Feb. 4) approached, my doctor scheduled me to be induced on Thursday, Feb. 1, at 6:15 a.m. For months, I had felt prompted that I needed to give birth naturally this time, which scared the heck out of me. I didn't really know how to prepare. I asked a few of my family members and read birth stories from women who had given birth naturally. When I asked my doctor if I could still go natural if I ended up being induced, she said yes, but it's harder. So I was nervous about that possible scenario, but I still felt strongly like going natural was the way to go.
I had doctor's appointments twice a week (since about 32 weeks because I was considered high risk). On January 11, I measured 37 weeks, even though I was 36 weeks along and already dilated to a 2. The Thursday before I gave birth (Jan. 18), I was 38 weeks along, 3 cm dilated, and 80% effaced. I was SO ready to have the baby!!! I kept thinking I was going into labor any minute and kept hoping my water would break so that I could for sure go to the hospital. The last couple of weeks are so touch and go, and the off and on labor is emotionally and physically intense. I would go into labor and then the contractions would randomly stop. I just never knew if THIS was it and we should go to the hospital. What made things even more complicated is that neither Jayze's or any of my family live close to us, so we really had to rely on our ward family. Which was good, but it also just made things...complicated. It's easier to call up your mom in the middle of the night than a friend who also has little kids to care for. It was just one more thing to worry about.
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| 3 days before Lincoln was born |
On Tuesday, January 23, Jayze stayed home from work because I was in consistent labor that morning. But then...the contractions randomly stopped again. They kept doing that throughout the day, which was so frustrating. They seemed to slow down whenever I moved around, but when I sat down they became more consistent. That evening neither of us had to energy to make dinner, so we loaded up Aidan and Kimball and went to Burger King. After eating, we drove across the street with the intent of spending some time before the kids' bedtime walking around the mall. However, after we found a parking spot, I told Jayze that I thought my contractions were getting stronger, so we decided to scratch the mall idea and drove home instead. We put Aidan and Kimball down for bed and then had a mini couple council.
Should we call our friends and go to the hospital or should we wait it out? Jayze finally convinced me to called the night nurse to ask her opinion, and then after hearing what she had to say, Jayze made the decision to call our friends (I'm always the hesitant one because I didn't want to wake up and pack up the kids, drop them off, and go to the hospital, only to be turned away and have to go home again).
We called up our friends we had already asked to watch our kids if I went into labor, but they were actually on their way home from the ER (thankfully, everything turned out fine) and couldn't watch Aidan and Kimball. Then our backup family ended up being sick. We brainstormed on who we could call last minute, and finally decided to call our other good friends (even though they have four little kids). We were so grateful when they were totally okay with it (thank you!!!!). So Jayze and I packed up the boys, dropped them off at our friends, and drove to the hospital to see if I was in real labor or not. Looking back, I would have definitely stayed and labored more from home (Jayze completely disagrees haha), BUT in the end everything worked out just the way it was supposed to.
The contractions were still consistent, but I could still talk, laugh, and breathe normally. Jayze and I were both so nervous, though. We got in right away, and I was nervous because this was the first time I was giving birth in an unfamiliar hospital with a new doctor. And actually, I didn't even think my doctor was going to deliver my baby. Since we went in around 7:00 or 8:00 that night, there was a resident there and an unfamiliar doctor on call (I met her once, and she was really nice). And when that resident went home, another resident took over his shift. My doctor wasn't scheduled to come in until about 7:00 the next morning, and even at the beginning, everyone thought I was going to have the baby before then. So I just gave it all to God and prepared to have this baby without my regular doctor.
As I went through the process of checking in, changing into a hospital gown, and then waiting to be checked, my contractions became irregular again. I thought I was for sure going home, so I was surprised that when they checked me, I was at a 5! Being hooked to a machine that was measuring my contractions made me feel better about the inconsistency because then I didn't feel crazy (it's hard when they're not consistently consistent!) The resident smiled and told me, "Well, you're in labor! So we'll get you checked in." I couldn't believe it! We got to stay! We were going to have a baby!
I think part of me thought they were going to turn to me and say, "Nope, you're still at a four. You can go home." I think that same part of me was hoping they would say that too, because I wasn't sure how ready I was to have this baby right here and right now. It was weird for me to not have it scheduled! Even though Kimball came on his own too, I went into real labor with him while I was already at the doctor's and then they just sent me straight to the hospital. I had never come into the hospital on my own before, so that was definitely a different experience.
They got me situated in a labor and delivery room, asked all of the routine questions, and then I slipped on the hospital socks and Jayze and I hit the halls. The anesthesiologist had come in earlier to explain that if I changed my mind about not having an epidural, he was there and could give me an epidural whenever. That was really comforting to hear, even though I knew in my heart of hearts I wasn't going to call him. Another tender mercy for me was that we found out he had gone to BYU-Idaho too. It was so out of the blue in Wichita, and it was another sign for me that God knew who I was, where I was, and that I needed that connection in an unfamiliar hospital with unfamiliar faces with my ever-constant anxiety about the baby being okay.
We walked the halls for a few minutes while I sucked on ice chips. As we walked by the nurses' station, our nurse let me know the doctor wanted to check me again in ten minutes, so I decided to go back to our room and get in the hot tub. The jets were so loud when I turned them on. I stepped into the warm, swirling mass and sat down. I wanted to stay in there longer, but I felt awkward knowing that the doctor was going to come soon, so I only stayed in for a couple of minutes. I got out and slipped the hospital gown back on right as the doctor and nurse stepped into the room. I walked out of the bathroom and climbed back on the bed so they could check me (let me tell you, it was not fun having them check me so much - it hurt instead of just being uncomfortable because they didn't have as much practice and I really wanted to just walk around or get back in the tub again).
After they checked me (still about the same), they ended up giving me an IV, and I was stuck on the bed. No more walking around and no more getting in the water. I had never given birth naturally, so I didn't know the routine or how to advocate for myself as well as I wanted. I was frustrated by how much they checked me and that I didn't know I could have the option of getting a "walking IV." I thought I was going to be left alone for longer periods of time, but there I was, stuck on the bed. Later, when I asked my doctor about it (when I was pregnant with Ryah, actually) she told me if I wanted to give birth naturally with Ryah then I could just tell the hospital staff that I didn't want to be checked as often. She also gave a few more tips that I think would have made the experience a lot better, as far as getting "in the zone" and getting through the contractions.
As the contractions got harder, I started to cry and I told Jayze I wasn't sure if I could do this. I glanced in the mirror on the wall to my left and saw how pale I was. Jayze squeezed my hand and told me I could do it. I decided then and there that I was going to get through it, with God's help because He's the one who asked me to do it this way. I wasn't alone, I was strong, and I could do this. I deep-breathed through the contractions and hoped this labor and delivery would go as quickly as my previous ones did.
But it didn't.
They all thought I was going to go faster than normal, but the contractions still weren't consistent. Other women who had come in after me had their babies before I did. I labored most of the night with really slow progress, getting more and more in the zone. After being at about a 7 for a long time, the doctor on call advised the resident to put me on Pitocin to help the contractions regulate. I was worried about being put on Pitocin, because I knew that would make the contractions harder. However, at the point I couldn't really tell the difference because everything outside of me seemed a little fuzzy because of how much pain was going on inside of me. I was surprised that the baby STILL wasn't here, when my three previous labor and deliveries had gone so quickly. It was discouraging. However, the length of the labor and delivery ended up being a tender mercy because my doctor was there at 7:00 AM, and she's the one who helped me get through the rest of it. a HUGE tender mercy - one I'm still so so grateful for.
And let me just say, I loved loved loved my nurses. There was one nurse in particular who knew I wanted to do it naturally even though I had never done it before. I didn't want to be like one of those crazy, natural birth stories nurses talk about - I was going to keep it together! She was so kind and was almost like a doula for me. She rubbed my back, told Jayze where to rub my back (I had back labor SO bad), was calm the entire time, didn't once suggest an epidural or doubt me, told me to breathe, told me I could do it, told me when the contractions had hit their climax and were settling down again. She and Jayze were the encouraging voices in my ear as I closed my eyes and went into a deep meditation from the deep, deep down, soul-wrenching pain I had never experienced before. I laid down on my side, clenched the bar attached to the side of the hospital bed, and tried to relax as much as I could during each contraction that reverabrated pain throughout my entire body and soul. I mentally pictured having my baby safely in my arms at last as I kept squeezing Jayze's hand. I needed his hand - it was my anchor in the storm.
I was pale and weak, had chills, and hadn't eaten in forever (remember that Burger King burger I had eaten at 6:00 the night before?). My lips were chapped, and I wished more than anything that I had chapstick. Even my doctor, when she came in, asked if anyone had chapstick because my lips were so bad (no one did).
My doctor finally came in at 7:00 AM, and I was SO grateful for her coaching and calm, reassuring presence. I was still in agony and lying on my side, gripping the handles of the hospital bed, when I suddenly felt the need to push.
I need to push! I need to push! I need to push! I kept saying it over and over. I was frantic, desperate! The nurse said, "Okay," and she and Jayze helped me sit up and get in the birthing position while my doctor stood ready.
I screamed at one point during the pushing, when I heard my doctor calmly, but firmly say, "Don't scream, breathe in, take that energy, and push." I gathered all of the strength I had and pushed one, long, hard push during the next contraction without screaming and...he was here! After only two pushes, our Lincoln was finally here!
It was such a relief when they placed him on my chest. He cried a real, baby cry and had dark hair. I immediately asked if I could have pain relief for the stitching. I was so grateful for that pain relief! The nurse handed me a small package of crackers (yay, I could finally eat!), and I held my new baby as my doctor stitched me up. It was heaven. A literal, tangible piece of heaven.
One of the best parts about giving birth naturally (in my experience, at least) is I was able to get into the mother/baby section so quickly. I was walking really soon after giving birth. I didn't bleed as much. I could get up and go to the bathroom faster since I didn't have to wait for the feeling to come back into my legs. All-in-all, the recovery went smoother than I expected.
The hospital had a huge bed, so that night Jayze got to sleep right next to me instead of on a hard couch. I was so grateful Lincoln didn't have to be in the NICU - we only had to stay at the hospital one night. Our friends were so nice and kept Aidan and Kimball at their house for another night so Jayze and I could have that wonderful one-on-one time with our sweet new baby. And since we had Lincoln in the morning, that meant we got all day long with him. The sun was shining outside, even though it was January, and things were just perfect.
It was a dream to take our Lincoln home. Jayze and I got to drive alone with just him for the few minutes we had until we stopped by our friends to pick up his brothers. Then we officially had three boys in the backseat, one in heaven, and both of our moms waiting for us at our home.
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| Kimball (20 months old) and Lincoln |
I'm not sure if I'll do any of my next labor and deliveries naturally again (I ended up not with Ryah), but having Lincoln naturally was such an amazing experience. I'm so grateful for all of the tender mercies that happened, and I know it was all orchestrated by Heavenly Father.
I had a hard time bonding with Kimball at first (we're so close now!). I think it's because he was in the NICU, I was trying out this new pumping method (that didn't work for me), and we moved across the country when he was only two months old. This time around, I decided to strictly formula feed. Lincoln didn't get jaundice. It was the first time after having a baby that I didn't have school or work to go to, and we had already moved to a bigger place by the time he came. So I just snuggled on him big time while my mom and mother-in-law took care of the two older boys, and I bonded to him instantly.
I love being his mom, and I'm grateful we got to bring another baby home.
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| January 31, 2018 - Aidan (3 yrs old, Kimball 20 months, Lincoln 8 days) |
