When Alma was born, I stopped writing. I went to school and wrote what I had to for different assignments, but that's it. I stopped writing in my journal, and that's one of the things I regret. I wish I had recorded more of my day-to-day experiences because I look back and everything is a blur. When I look back and try to remember the year after Alma passed away, it's filled with heartache and struggling to grow closer to my Savior and understand that this is my story. I've come a long way, but I wish I had started my healing journey with writing in my journal. After all, as one of the ladies I used to work with said, "Writing in your journal is free therapy." As I keep writing, I have found that to be more and more true. I'm grateful I have recorded different stories and experiences about Alma on my blog, because writing on here has been a sort of free therapy and healing experience.
After Aidan was born, I was determined to capture every moment on camera and write down every milestone he achieved. His first smile and laugh, rolling over, grabbing a toy, first bath, first tooth, his reaction to baby food...I'm sure all moms are just as excited watching their babies grow and learn and develop.
And I began writing a journal for him. I want to remember day-to-day experiences with him because they are so important. Every day Aidan is teaching me to slow down and enjoy every moment. The opening and closing of snapdragons, leaves crunching underfoot, wind blowing in your hair, baby feet, the joy of playing the simple game of peek-a-boo, the wonder of a new toy, curiosity for new places, tasting new foods, learning to pick yourself up again and again, reading a new book, splashing water, watching birds in flight...
In this talk, President Monson quotes Emily from the play Our Town: "“Do … human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every minute?”
Aidan is teaching me how, and so is Alma. My babies teach me that life is worth living and joy can be found in the journey. Life is hard and frightening and full of bumps and dips and punches. But it's also filled with light and peace and happiness. We are meant to be happy despite the struggles.
I'm grateful for day-to-day experiences. I'm grateful for my life...for the slowing down motherhood offers me. All the cuddles, laughing, happy screaming, frantic crawling, long afternoon walks...it's all worth it. Bumps and all.
"Brothers and sisters, my sincere prayer is that we may adapt to the changes in our lives, that we may realize what is most important, that we may express our gratitude always and thus find joy in the journey."
