30 Weeks

Whenever I hit 30 weeks along, I realize just how close we are! Plus, with how quickly this pregnancy has gone, I know having the baby is right around the corner. I'm excited and nervous. I can't wait to hold him in my arms, but I always get worried about all of the planning that happens before heading to the hospital.

Having a baby is not like planning a wedding or baby shower or birthday party. Those have set dates and times, whereas having a baby is totally up in the air. It makes it harder to plan and keeps us on our toes, but I'm glad we still have a few weeks before worrying too much about it. 

I'm excited to see how Aidan and Kimball are going to react to having a baby in the house. Kimball will be around the same age Aidan was when we brought Kimball home, and Aidan understands so much more now that I can't wait to see him be a big brother again. He calls the baby "Hudsy" (I have no idea where he got that) and always tries to be careful around my belly. Kimball might go through some hard days because he loves snuggling and being close to me, so I'm glad he has Aidan to play with.

30 Weeks

Update:

How far along: 30 weeks + 4 days.

Gender: Boy!

Clothes: I'm still growing and my clothes aren't. :)

Sleep: I need to go to bed earlier because I've been exhausted. Kimball got a 24-hour bug a few days ago, and since then I haven't felt that great either. No throwing up, but just really tired. However, I haven't had any bad dreams (yay!), and I don't wake up much in the middle of the night which is nice, too. 

Movement: This baby moves around a lot, and I'm so grateful. I had an ultrasound yesterday, and the ultrasound tech said, "Wow! I can see him move your stomach." Sure enough, the left side of my stomach was sticking out farther than the rest of my stomach. This kid's a mover, and I don't mind one bit.

Cravings: Smoothies (homemade), peanut butter toast...not much else. My appetite hasn't been very good this past week. 

Aversions: Pizza, fast food, and meat.

Comfort level: I have a pain in my lower abdomen that I didn't have with the other three that is so uncomfortable. It feels like round ligament pain, but on the underside of my belly. Other than that, it's not too bad. 

Missing anything: Being able to get up without a struggle, haha, and hard-core exercise. 

Hardest part: Trying to keep up with Aidan and Kimball. Also, I really miss being able to lay down anytime and focus on the baby. I've been up and about so much that I can only do that mornings before the kids wake up or evenings after the kids go down. If I lay down while they're awake, they just climb all over me, haha. 

Best moment of the week: Last week was Thanksgiving, which was wonderful. We spent so much time as a family, which I was so grateful for. This week we're preparing to move, so watching Aidan climb into the boxes is amusing. Also, yesterday I got to see the baby on the ultrasound which helped ease my anxiety. I love seeing and hearing his heartbeat. 

I just keep hoping and praying we'll get to take this baby boy home with us. I already love him so much and am so grateful I can feel him every day. All the little curve balls pregnancy tends to throw at me are worth it. 

Thanksgiving 2017

This year Thanksgiving consisted of just our little family. We invited a couple of families over, but both had other plans (totally understand!). Despite it being just the four of us, we still whipped up a wonderful and delicious Thanksgiving feast.

Jayze made all the pies the night before (it made us anticipate the next day that much more!). They were all delicious.

Two pumpkin, lemon meringue, and apple. It was our first time making lemon meringue, and Jayze did an awesome job!

Thanksgiving morning I made the rest of the food while Jayze took Aidan to a park and Kimball napped.

I really enjoyed having all that time to myself to cook and prepare and clean. I told Jayze later that on a future Thanksgiving, I'd love to go all out with decorations, too. Fancy plates, cups, and utensils with a table runner, centerpieces, and cloth napkins...I really love that kind of stuff, especially when it's low stress. :) One day.

I did put a few decorations up, which were perfect for our little apartment and added just a little festive flair.

I free-handed and cut all of those leaves out by hand, can you believe that? One of these days my printer and I will get along.

After we ate to our heart's content, we cleaned up a little and then snuggled on the couch to watch a movie. The rest of the day was just as relaxing as can be, which was exactly what we needed. I'm so grateful for my family and how much we love being together. Home really is wherever my husband and kids are.

I'm also so grateful for Jesus Christ, good food, and for life each and every day. Thanksgiving this year definitely got two thumbs up in my book.

In the Kitchen

 

Yesterday Aidan, Kimball, and I went outside to play. 

Kimball's had a bit of a cough and runny nose, and Aidan's (and me) been a little stir crazy, so I thought the fresh air would be good for all of us. Plus, I'd been so busy doing about a million loads of laundry that I hadn't given much attention to my kids all day. 

We played chase, kicked around a soccer ball and threw it way up high into the air until it almost touched the trees, and flew their toy airplane to each other. When we were all sniffing from the cold air and the sun started going down, we grabbed the soccer ball and toy airplane and clomped back up the stairs to warm up inside. 

I had a few things to finish up with the crock pot meal I had put in that morning, so I headed to the kitchen while Aidan and Kimball played in the living room. I could hear their cute voices in the background as I walked back and forth between the fridge, sink, and counters. When I finished, I didn't hear them fighting and they seemed content, so I decided to take a mini break for myself. 

I quietly slid down onto the kitchen floor and leaned back against the wall between the fridge and the kitchen cabinets. As I sat there, I took a much-needed long, deep breath and let it out slowly. It had been a long day of juggling and disciplining and focusing on the different tasks at hand, so it felt nice to just sit and stare at the kitchen table across from me for a few minutes. 

Pretty soon I heard Aidan call out, "Mom! Moooooom! Where are you? Mooom!"

I let him call a few times before answering, "I'm over here, bud."

His little voice, "Where?"

"In the kitchen."

His little feet padded over to where I was and once he saw me, a huge smile spread across his face. 

"What're you doin'?"

"Just sitting here."

"Want to play with me?"

As Aidan walked the rest of the way into the kitchen and started playing with the letter magnets on the fridge, I heard Kimball make his way over to us, too. He had a book in one hand, clumsily waddled over to me, and plopped himself in my lap so I could read to him. 

My little break was over, but as I held Kimball in my lap and listened to Aidan recite the ABC's to himself next to me, I couldn't help but snuggle close to both of them and feel an immense amount of gratitude for my sweet children here. I felt my heart get a little bigger, a little softer, and a little more full of love. 

It's hard and wonderful being their mom, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not a thing in the world. 

They are my forever and always will be. 

Busy, Busy, Busy

Lately I feel like a chicken with its head cut off...

Doctor's appointments

Reading scriptures

Dishes

More laundry than normal (a little bit of potty training regression, but it's okay)

Playing with the kids/reading with the kids/disciplining the kids/running around with the kids/I think you get the picture :)

Looking for a new place to live (our place is too small for another baby) and all the details that go with that

Losing my credit card and switching all my auto pay bills over (plus all the headache that came along with losing it, ugh)

Making dinner

Meal planning

Trying to get a shower in

Getting sick

Haircuts

Paying bills and budgeting

Grocery shopping and finally returning unused clothes to the mall

Figuring out fun things to do with my family

Stuff regarding my calling (I'm in Young Women's!)

Praying, praying, praying

...and a million other things.

It's really nothing too different from my normal, every day life. And if I'm being realistic, my life is just going to get busier with each new transition our family goes through. But the hard thing has been how utterly chaotic and haphazard I feel. 

I told Jayze last night as we were laying in bed that I was talking to Heavenly Father earlier and telling him how stressed I feel. There are so many things I want to organize or even just start but it's like all of these elements in my life are on a platter and I'm just picking and choosing from it every day. By the end of the day I feel accomplished by what I did get done, but then I look at all of the other things that needed to get done that didn't and then I feel like I accomplished nothing. I constantly feel like I'm running behind.

There are half-written to-do lists all over our apartment as well as a to-do list on my phone. We have a gigantic paper calendar on our wall I write on, but I still forget things because 1. pregnancy brain and 2. I don't incorporate my phone calendar enough. (I either write it on the calendar or put it in my phone, but the same event is usually not on both). We also have a big white board right next to our calendar, but have I updated it? Nope. I think the meal planning chart is a week behind, too. 

Obviously it's been a struggle and something has to change, but it's nice to just write it all out even though I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this. But this is a safe space, right?

So, if someone is out there reading this and feeling the same way - you're not alone! And I'm going to keep telling myself that too...I'm not alone. I think it's good for us (me and my imaginary reader, because I'm not alone, remember?) to not be super organized, super mom, super wife, super homemaker, super put together, and super feel like we're winning at life all the time. Then we would never grow and learn.

So I'm going to keep figuring this craziness out, keep loving my kids and cute husband, and keep growing and learning from my failures. Don't give up.  

...Annnnnd probably invest in a daily planner like my very patient husband suggested. 

27 Weeks

27 Weeks

Yesterday, I hit 27 weeks along. Only one more week in the second trimester! There have been a few "bumps" (har har), but mostly regarding my health vs. the baby's health.

Remember how I had varicose veins in my past three pregnancies? Well, the term they gave it when I was pregnant with Alma is actually "superficial thrombophlebitis." It started in one spot behind my knee and wasn't bad at all (compared to now). However, it's grown worse with each subsequent pregnancy. Towards the beginning of this pregnancy, I finally caved and bought compression stockings ($$$) because my leg looked and felt so bad. Thankfully, I can hide it better now since it's colder and I don't want to wear sandals all the time anymore. Plus, they're actually more comfortable than the ones I've bought before.

Despite that annoying and (a little worrisome) thing in my leg, it's been a smooth ride so far. I was talking to one of my friends last week at church and she asked me how the pregnancy was going. I told her, "I'm always so sick and tired in the first trimester, and it's hard to function. I don't throw up, but it's like all day car sickness and exhaustion. Then I'm always anxious and tired during the third trimester, so really, right now it's going well."

Even though I try to cherish each moment in the pregnancy, the second trimester really is my favorite out of the three. It's when I have the most energy, it doesn't hurt when the baby kicks, and my baby bump is still at the super-cute-status vs. I-bet-you're-going-to-have-the-baby-anytime-now status.

It's also when my anxiety is at the lowest level.

After going through being pregnant with Aidan and Kimball, and now being pregnant with our fourth baby boy, I've realized that the pregnancy after loss anxiety will never go away. I have had more peace regarding some things during this pregnancy I didn't have during my other ones, but I've also had more worries regarding other things I wasn't worried about before. And I know as my belly keeps growing and the 37-week mark approaches, my anxiety level will keep rising higher and higher like the red line on a weather thermometer.

However, I've also realized that no matter what point I'm at in my pregnancy, it's a privilege and honor to carry this sacred life inside of me. Even if things might not work out the way I plan or hope, this time with my baby is and will always be precious. I love feeling him move and I never take it for granted. Every day I thank my Heavenly Father for this baby and hope to be the best mom I can be to him, even though he's not born yet.

Update:
How far along: 27 weeks + 1 day
Gender: Boy!
Maternity clothes: Snagged a couple of things last week. Still in dire need of pants, more shirts, and dresses. I don't want to go clothes shopping with Aidan and Kimball, though, so it's been a little tricky finding time to go shopping by myself.
Sleep: If I went to bed earlier, it would be great. It's been cold lately, but since Jayze put a second blanket on our bed, I've been as comfortable as a 27-week pregnant women can be (whatever that means, right?). I was lucky last week because all I needed to do was shift back and forth a few times before being out for the night. The past few nights, though, I tossed and turned and kept waking up. But so far no crazy, graphic dreams, which has been really nice.
Movement: I love, love, love feeling him move, and thankfully this kid moves around quite a bit. He tends to move more when I'm listening to music, reading to Aidan and Kimball, and right after I eat (especially if it's sugar or fruit).
Cravings: Chicken sandwiches, dark chocolate Kit-Kats (thanks Halloween candy), salads, smoothies, pumpkin pie, peanut butter toast, and any food I don't have to make.
Aversions: Pizza and burgers.
Comfort level: This week was kind of a drastic change from last week. All of a sudden my comfort level went wayyyy down. Even sitting throughout all of third hour yesterday at church was hard, so I'm not sure how the next few weeks are going to go haha. Yesterday I kept thinking, "Already?!"
Missing anything: Exercising! I only exercised once last week, so this week I'm committed! It really helps with the aches so much, as well as my mood.
Hardest part: Still trying to figure out a name. It's also hard either trying to find someone to watch my kids while I go to my doctor's appointment or bring them with me. Also, (this doesn't really have anything to do with the pregnancy) Aidan has been a handful lately which has been taxing.
Best moment of the week: Painting the Thankful pumpkin. I love creating things and doing crafts, so that was so fun for me. I also made a Thanksgiving turkey with Aidan and Kimball, and it makes me happy every time I see it.

Aidan and Kimball really like it too. Aidan always wants to touch its eyes and Kimball smiles and points at it and says, "What's that?" all the time. One of these days he might actually say "turkey" while pointing at it. :)

Last week. 26 weeks along.

Pumpkin Carving and Painting

So that we would have a jack o' lantern for Halloween (one of our family traditions), we (meaning Jayze) carved a pumpkin the night before for our FHE activity. 

While I made the FHE treat (yummy, healthy no bake cookies), Jayze drew out some samples for Aidan to choose from. Aidan didn't like the scary ones, so we went with a "silly" one this year. 

Jayze did a great job. The boys were both fascinated and grossed out by the pumpkin guts. Aidan touched them once and then said, "I'm good!" Kimball just wanted to "eat" out of it every time he thought we weren't looking. 

When Jayze finished carving it, he put a red light inside and turned off all of our apartment lights. Then we sat on the couch, munched on cookies, and watched our boys' delight. Kimball kept running back and forth with his cheesy smile and bursts of laughter, and they both kept sticking their arms through the jack o' lantern's (whom we affectionately named "Fred") mouth.

When it was time to go to bed, we set Fred on the table. In the morning he ate breakfast with Aidan and then watched him play. That night (Halloween!) we set him outside our front door for him to greet our guests (a family in our ward) as they walked up the stairs to our Halloween party. 

Tip: If you want to get ahead of the game, do a Thanksgiving craft on Halloween. We thought about dressing up in our costumes again and hitting up a free, community trunk or treat, but decided to host a very small and simple Halloween party instead. My friend sent me an idea for a craft, and so we teamed up with gathering supplies and each family painted a "Thankful" pumpkin (my first time painting a pumpkin!). 

After our friends left and we were cleaning up before bed, we asked Aidan what his favorite part of the day was. He said, "Putting my hand on the red paint and then on the pumpkin!"

I think that was my favorite part of the day, too. 

Halloween 2017

We celebrated Halloween the Saturday before at our ward's chili cook-off. We brought a yummy fruit salad for the pot luck and a big bowl of Halloween candy to pass out during the carnival games. Dinner was first and then Jayze and I took the boys around the church to play the different games set up in separate rooms.

The games included ring toss, tin can knock down, fish pond, punch prize, basketball/soda can bowling, pumpkin bean bag toss, cake walk, and face painting.

First time ever getting his face painted

He chose a ghost

Aidan liked all of them except the cake walk, and Kimball was just happy to wander around. (Although I think his favorite was the tin can knock down - he enjoyed stacking them instead of knocking them down)

For the last couple months Aidan had been so excited to be "Superman!" for Halloween. Since we won't have many more opportunities to do a themed Halloween (who knows what our kids will want to dress up as later on), we decided to dress up as the Justice League. We asked Aidan for advice, and he said Dad should be Flash and Kimball should be Batman. Jayze and I thought it would be funny for me to be Wonder Woman with a green screen on my belly (did you hear that's what Gal Gadot had to do??).

On the drive to the party, Aidan kept saying he was, "Superman!" and sang parts of the Superman theme. He kept repeating our costumes too, "Aidan is Superman, Kimball is Batman, Mommy is Wonder Woman, and Dad is Flash!" with each exclamation punctuated by a fist in the air.

I made their capes out of felt (which was the easiest thing - no hemming!). It was hilarious and cute cute cute to see Kimball running around with a Batman symbol on the back of his cape. If I were to do one thing differently, I would have put a decal on the back of Aidan's cape, too.

I loved dressing up as a family. We dressed up as zoo animals last year, but it was more last minute. This year, since we actually planned our costumes ahead of time, we anticipated it more, put more effort into it, and had more fun.

And I think Halloween will keep getting more fun as the kids get older. Aidan understood it better, and I loved seeing how excited he was. Now I can't wait to see Kimball's (and the baby's!) take on it next year.