Pregnancy Update: 36 Weeks

This past week has been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. It seems that the closer I get to having this baby, the more anxious I get. I get flashbacks of what happened with Alma. And while I love remembering Alma - the moments when I had him and got to hold him - I don't love what happened. It was so hard, and right now my due date is looming. We're so excited to have this baby, but it's taking more and more effort to be excited rather than just wanting it to be over with. I'm trying to not let fear take over and trying to envision taking another baby home, but some days are better than others. So, like my last pregnancy, I'm focusing on the good this week:

Doctors and Nurse Practioners: 
My doctors and nurse practioners are the best. When I go to doctor appointments, I feel loved and cared for. After doing the routine checkup, one of my doctors asked me how my head was. I took a deep breath while tears pooled in my eyes and answered, "Um, okay," and could only nod after that. He let me know that they are in this with me. I'm not alone. Everyone wants a good outcome - a baby in my arms I can take home with me. I am in their prayers. It was just what I needed to hear. I'm so grateful for my doctors.

Warm Weather:
With Alma and Aidan, I was in my third trimester throughout the entire summer. This time around, it's been fun to be in my third trimester with summer right around the corner. It makes me look forward to walking outside with Aidan and the new baby, as well as having precious sunlight stream through my windows.

Ultrasounds:
The other day I told the ultrasound tech, "These just kill me! They make me want to hold my baby right now!" It's been the best being able to see my baby so often. The other day he had his tiny fist clenched and close to his face, and it was just the sweetest thing.

Braxton Hicks:
Just this past week I've had lots of Braxton Hicks. They put me into major nesting mode. I told my mom, "All of a sudden, I feel like I need to make freezer meals, wash baby clothes, set up the pack 'n play, and vacuum my whole house!" In fact, I want to vacuum every single day "just in case." Yes, definitely in major nesting mode.

Which leads me right into the next point...

Prepping for the Baby:
There's something so hard about prepping for a baby after losing a baby. I hated packing all of Alma's things away. We also left the crib up for a couple of months after he was born with the glider and ottoman right by it. I would get home from school, sit in the glider while holding his blanket, and just cry. So, it really does take an act of faith preparing for the baby. There's always the "what if" in the back of my mind. But a couple of days ago I got out the baby clothes, bibs, wash cloths, tiny socks, and blankets and washed, dried, folded, and put them all away. It was a first step to preparing and has made me want to keep preparing.

p.s. Those baby clothes are tiny! I can't believe Aidan was that small!

Sleep:
I'm so grateful Aidan sleeps through the night, because I'm already up every 3-4 hours going to the bathroom and waking up from crazy dreams. I'm trying to take advantage of the sleep I get now, but also mentally prepare for not getting sleep when the baby gets here.

P90X Stretch:
Who knew pregnant people could do P90X? :) Yesterday, Jayze and I decided to exercise during Aidan's naptime. We popped in P90X Stretch, and it felt wonderful! Even though I wasn't able to do some of the stretches, I was able to do a majority of them. It was just what my body and mind needed.

Prayers and Scriptures:
As I've really tried to pray and study my scriptures daily, I have felt an abiding peace. The Lord is with me. No matter what happens, He won't let me down. He has never let me down. He is with me every step of the way, and I am so grateful for Him. Whenever I'm struggling, it seems like the scriptures I read that day were written just for me. And they were! Whenever I get down on my knees and pour out my heart, I feel my Savior's love. I'm so, so grateful for prayers and scriptures.

This is an exciting time. I'm excited to see Aidan be an older brother, excited to smell that glorious newborn smell, excited to change millions of diapers a day, and excited to be a mom all over again.

I'm trying to be aware of the small and simple things in my life - baby kicks, milestones Aidan reaches, Jayze getting to be home more now that he's graduated, time with friends, sweet and tender mercies...these moments are small but make up to become big, beautiful things in my life. And what a beautiful life it is.

Mud Run, Easter, and other Shenanigans

Welcome April! I can't believe how fast March went. I still feel like we're in January sometimes because spring and winter are still fighting it out here in Idaho. C'mon spring, I'm rootin' for ya! We have had some beautiful, sunny days off and on, which reminds me of how much I love living here this time of year.

Since I haven't written for almost a month (Jayze and I share a computer, and he has been busy with school - I'm finally getting on it today), here's a little bit of what we've been up to.

Mud Run

Before

After

 BYU-Idaho put on a 5k Warrior Mud Run to celebrate 100 years of ROTC. It was 3 miles of running plus obstacles that included the obvious-mud, jumping over fire, climbing bales of hay, carting around another runner, and other crazy stuff. To say I was a little jealous is probably an understatement, although I was not jealous of all the shivering finishers. It was sunny, but the breeze was a little cold.

And of course we all had to dress up to support Dad in his big race...

I got to hang out with one of our friends (whose husband ran with Jayze) and her little girl while the boys ran. We were able to chat and watch our littles run around.

These two cuties weren't sure if they were supposed to play with each other or not, and Aidan kept stealing Emilie's food. Silly moocher. And they matched! Totally unplanned, but so adorable.

Jayze and his buddies from work did awesome, and I think they all enjoyed it. I know I did even though I wasn't able to run - didn't think Baby Flake would appreciate me crawling under barbed wire. :)

Easter
Easter was SO fun. We decided to forego the annual Easter basket scavenger hunt (we were dead tired the night before) and just laid out the Easter baskets on the couch for Aidan to see when he woke up. 

The thing is...we had church at 9:30, and we had to wake up Aidan at 9:00 to get him ready. So he wasn't quite awake when we tried to show him his basket, plastic eggs, and new ball. 

Happy Easter!

Church was awesome, though. It was Aidan's first day of going to nursery! I was going to snap a picture of us (we were actually all matching), but forgot on our way out after church. Aw well. Next year we'll get a proper Easter family picture. 

We invited a few of Jayze's siblings, one of my siblings and her husband, and our brother-in-law's brother to our place for dinner. It was my first time baking ham, and it turned out to be a success! Thanks, Pioneer Woman! :) Everyone else pitched in on the sides, and everything was delicious. 

After dinner, we all went out and hid eggs for Aidan and his two cousins to find. Aidan wasn't sure about the whole thing. He loved putting some of the eggs in the basket and then had to have an egg in each hand. 

He had a ton of fun, though, and it was a blast to watch him. I'm pretty sure he gets cuter and cuter every day. 

Work Party 
Jayze's work had an end-of-the-semester party. This semester we went bowling and had pizza. Aidan liked it for the most part, but was especially happy just driving his car around. Those floors are pretty slick, which makes it perfect for pushing cars. 

 
It was great not having to make dinner, as well as spending time with friends before everyone leaves - cue wailing here. Sometimes it's so hard to live the college life because you make awesome friends and then can only keep in touch through social media after everyone goes their own separate ways.

He's getting really good at this selfie thing.

It was funny because Aidan kept trying to pick up the bowling balls and kept pulling a confused face because they were so heavy. He finally contented himself in rolling them on the ball holder.

Bowling ball belly ;)

What a fun night.

My Little Buddy
It's finally warming up enough to venture outside. Aidan LOVES being outside (what kid doesn't?), so we try to go out as much as we can. 
The other day we were outside waiting for Jayze to come home from work. I didn't feel very well, so I just watched Aidan throw a couple of balls and run around our driveway and up and down our sidewalk. 

He got distracted every time a car or truck went by. Vroom vroom!

At one point he saw me sitting down and came over and very carefully sat next to me. 

It melted my heart! He is my little buddy, and I love him so much. It will be strange to not have so much one-on-one time with him when the baby comes. We think he'll adjust well, but we'll see. I'm excited to see him love on his little brother, though, and say "baby." We're getting more and more anxious and excited to get this baby here. 

Whew, hopefully that catches me up a little bit in the blogging world. :)