33 Weeks: Update

 ~ Baby Update ~

Size of a pineapple (about four pounds).

His skeleton is hardening.

Acting more and more like a baby outside of the womb. 

Has his own immune system. 

The past couple of weeks have been kind of rough, but there have been so many blessings too.  This pregnancy has been hard - more emotionally than physically, but there is still that physical aspect of it.  I knew that when we got pregnant again it wouldn't be all excitement and happiness.  I have to keep reminding myself that I am blessed to be pregnant again and to have made it this far.  

The hardest part about this pregnancy is the fear and anxiety.  It has been hard fighting the darkness and hopelessness that always seem to linger right by me waiting to make its move.   

After Alma died, my mom sent me a book she filled with quotes.  I was looking through it and one in particular caught my eye:

"Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light....Even after the darkest night, the Savior of the world will lead you to a gradual, sweet, and bright dawn that will assuredly rise within you.  As you walk towards the hope of God's light, you will discover the compassion, love, and goodness of a loving Heavenly Father, in whom there is no darkness at all."

~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf ~

  

So, in an effort to throw off that darkness and look to the light, I thought about some positive/funny things that go along with pregnancy.  After thinking about them, I've realized that this almost 9-month journey has had many highlights and joys weaved in, not just darkness.

Kicks:
This little baby kicks a lot, and I LOVE it.  Sometimes it hurts and is uncomfortable, but I don't care because it helps me know he's still alive.  Whenever he's not moving and I'm pretty sure he's just sleeping, I still get out a popsicle, lay on my left side, and count ten movements.  With such a panicky mom, I'm not sure this baby gets much sleep at all.  I wonder if when he's born and sleeping, I'll go up to him and poke him, just to make sure he's okay.  I'm not sure I'm going to like him sleeping so much...hopefully he'll snore. :)

Another fun thing about him kicking so much is I like to put my empty water bottle or my phone on my stomach and watch him kick it around. 

Maxi Skirts:
The best thing that has happened to me in a long time regarding my sparse wardrobe is my black maxi skirt.  It is the most comfortable thing ever, stretches as my belly stretches, and is forgiving to my body as I get bigger.  If they were only $5 each, I would have a closetful right now. 

Waddling:
I have been more achy this pregnancy (probably because I never work out anymore), and I find myself waddling more than walking now that I'm bigger.  It's nice to be entertainment for those who watch me try to walk down the grocery aisle...

Nurses/Doctors:
I have heard four times this past week from both my nurses and doctors that I'm not a "nut job."  It is so reassuring having a great staff who looks after me and my baby and who don't care if I come in for a random heartbeat check or if I think my Braxton Hicks are real labor when they're not.

Stains on Shirts:
My belly is so big right now that when I look down I can't even see my feet, let alone any stains I might have at the bottom half of my shirt.  But those stains just mean that I'm pregnant and there's life inside this big belly of mine.

Dreams:
I have crazy dreams practically every night.  They are always about what happened the day before too.  For example, Jayze always has a pen on him, and I'm notorious for never having a pen.  I always borrow one from him, but I've lost pens so many times that he's a little wary about letting me borrow his pen longer than five minutes.  The other day we needed a bunch of pens and pencils to bring to a party, and we had to hurry and scour our house for them because they are everywhere.  Anyway, that same night I dreamed of Jayze holding up a big bag of his pens and saying to me, "I'm willing to bring all of my pens."

I also had to ask him one time, "So I just remembered something...you did this and then I did that and then this happened.  Did that happen in real life or did I just dream it?"  

And Jayze answered, "You just dreamed it."

Having to go to the bathroom 50 times a day (exaggeration? probably not):
Not much to say about this one except that I now call it my second home.

But the nice thing about this one is I never have trouble taking the urine test when I go to the doctor. :)

Prepping for the Baby:
Despite how hard this one has been emotionally for me, it has also been fun when I let go of the fear and dream of having another person in our home.  We just bought a pack 'n play and set it up in our bedroom, along with the rocking chair and ottoman Jayze's mom and sisters gave us last year.  It was hard having them in the bedroom with us at first - a daily reminder of what might not be - but I also find myself staring at the pack 'n play imagining a baby inside it.  I love that it's so close to my bed.  The fear is still there, but when it's not as strong, I love the feeling of excitement that I get when I think of bringing this baby home.

Talks with Jayze:
I love talking with Jayze about my fears and excitement because I think both of us have really tried hard this pregnancy to connect, spend time with each other, and really be on the same page.  He has been my anchor, and it's been comforting to know I can lean on him during the good and bad times.

Priesthood Blessings:
In times of darkness and anxiety, priesthood blessings have helped me so much.  I used to think that priesthood blessings were only reserved for when you were sick or before school started, but I've come to realize that I can ask for one whenever I feel the need.  Whenever I feel sad, overwhelmed, stressed, or hopeless, priesthood blessings help buoy me up.

Pictures:
It's amazing how gradual pregnancy bellies grow.  Some days I feel huge and other days I feel smaller than the day I did before.  It's fun going back to the beginning of this pregnancy and looking through the pictures, watching my belly get bigger and bigger. 

Ultrasounds:
In addition to pictures outside the womb, I love the pictures inside the womb, too, when I can actually see the baby's basic outline and features.  Ultrasound pictures help remind me that there is an actual baby inside of me full of life, growing bigger and stronger every week. 

 

4-7 more weeks to go...